Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a louse;
The plants were drying by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the bud would soon be ready to share.
 
 

The children were nestled all snug in their beds, 
While visions of bowling danced in their heads;
And mamma had the crop, And I had my pipe
And we'd just settled down and begun to get nice.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I dropped my bowl to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore closed the shutters, and threw down the sash.

The security light on the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of midday to the Pinto below;
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But my buds decked out in full party gear.

Beer cans rattled as they opened their doors,
And I knew in a moment what they had come for.
More rapid than agents with warrants they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called out my name:

"YO ELVIS!, YO ELVIS!, WE'VE COME TO PARTAKE!,
WE KNOW YOU GOT WEED MAN-IT'S TIME TO BAKE!
To the top of your porch! To the top of your wall!
Mooch Away! Mooch Away! Mooch Away, all!"

As dry buds that before the wild hurricane fry,
When they meet with an obstacle, it's time to get high;
So up to the house-top my buds they all flew 
With bags full of munchies and bowls and bongs too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my roof-
The prancing of flip-flops and I knew it was proof-
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney my buds came with a bound.

They were dressed all in tye-dye from their heads to their foot,
And their clothes were all tarnished with resin and soot; 
A bundle of bowls they had flung on their backs,
As they scanned my crib for something to pack.

Their eyes-how they twinkled; their pimples, how merry!
Their eyes were all bloodshot, their noses like cherrys!
Their parched little mouths were dry as a bone,
And their lids were all hanging incredibly low;

The stump of a blunt they held tight in their teeth,
And the smoke it encircled their heads like a wreath;
They had Dorito-stained faces and little round bellys
That shook, when they coughed, like a bowl full of jelly.

A wink of their eyes and a flick of their bics,
Soon gave me to know they were about to get lit;
They spoke not a word and went straight for my stash,
And filled all their bowls; then turned it to ash,

And coughing and laughing rip after rip,
They toked and they toked and smoked all my shit!;
They sprang to their Pinto and slammed on the gas,
Got it all sideways and tore up my grass.

But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
"THANKS FOR THE WEED MAN-ANYONE GOT A LIGHT?!"

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